When I began putting the Virgin/Mother Mary in my painting I was both ecstatic and uncomfortable. I felt as if the intelligent part of me and a possibly superstitious, not- smart (needy?!) part were clashing inside me. How could I validate these “old” images when I am smart enough to “know” better?

That conflict has been mellowing over the 10 years since I drew and painted the first two. I have read much about the adoration of and theology of Mary/Guadalupe. Also, the continuing urge to create paintings with Virgin/Mother Mary is an energy of itself that carries me with it. Currently, those two parts of me can co-exist.

I have experienced that when I bring an “old” image out of the context of the time and doctrine it was painted in, it becomes an alive image for me, “my” Mary.

The framed Apparitions are all around me in my house. I walk past them, I pause and look into them/Her. I remember my intention for painting each one. Each one reminds me that all my regrets, loss and grief are not the whole picture.  I can be contained in something inclusive of all.

In this infinite container all of me is accepted, my shadow and my light. And, of course these images have come into MY painting, come into me. The container is in me, is me. The Apparitions are this encouragement and comfort both as finished paintings and in the imagining, drawing and painting of them.

 

Ave Maria Guadalupe 22”x30” (1^st and 2^nd in the series)

This is the first Apparition that occurred to me.

My original passion for painting had seemed to be fading. A passion for spiritual questing was superseding it. What was happening to me? This was very disconcerting as being artist had been foremost in my life for years. Then, in an inspired moment, I realized that I could put Guadalupe in my painting. It was one of those “oh my gosh” moments and it meant that I could merge my spiritual longings into my painting.

The pink opium poppies’ photo was from an art client’s beautiful garden in Eugene, OR. There is a con-joining of soft and spikey with the pink petals of the flowers and the agave cactus leaves. This seemed to be just like Guadalupe with her softly draped clothing and sun-radiant pointy sun-sacred aura.

Then I began to doubt myself. How could I take this venerated image out of its religious and cultural context?   I did not have a Catholic upbringing.  What gave me the right to put her in my painting? Also at this time, someone saw the drawing on my table and commented, “why is she so small?” I put the drawing aside.

Instead, I drew a different one, the Woman of Light.

 

The Woman of Light 30”x22” (1^st and 2^nd in the series)

She is Nuestra Senora de San Juan de Los Lagos. Although she is the second most venerated and visited Virgin in Mexico after Guadalupe, she did not have as much cultural weight for me simply because I had never heard of her.  The story is told that She raised a girl from the dead who had fallen on the bed of knives in her family’s circus act (approx. 500 years ago). She had already been moving around the church at night on her own (it was said). And now she came out of the church where she could give her Re-Vivifying Self to the girl. I put her in this photo of the weeds illuminated by light. I love the way the light sparkles on the plants and become circles of light. The little ink drawing of her I used for reference was just a line drawing. This was not a solid image and it inspired me to have her be see-through. Now she was transparent and became The Woman of Light, a reference to the woman in Revelations.

Then I could paint Ave Maria Guadalupe. I understood experientially, through the creative process of bringing the painting to life, that She is beyond any cultural or church container. She really could come into my paintings and into me. This is how the paintings evolve me as I break containers of limiting belief inside myself.

Also, around this time I had a meditative experience in which I felt a warm sensation as Guadalupe merged into my heart. It was a moment when She seemed to take on life of her own, beyond what my imagination was visualizing. I experienced a knowing that I had been unconditionally adopted as daughter.

I put her in this flower-weedy wild garden because that is how she seems to me; perfectly natural and outside of cultural constraints. Although available to anyone, she is easily dismissed and overlooked.  She is in the unsuspected places; the apparently messy, unplanned parts of my life.

 

Mother of Grace 30”x22” (3^rd in the series)

By this time, I was so smitten by this new development in my paintings.  I thought that all my paintings going forward were going to have an apparition. When I was painting this demonstration paint-along-painting with art students, I had to add an apparition.

The pond is a focal point of the Vallarta Botanical Gardens. I have many photos of it in various stages of growth and changes. Bob Price, the founder of the gardens is extremely visionary and creative. He has added to and changed the pond over the years.

The lush, tropical plants seem to have no limits to their growing, like the Mother/Virgen’s Grace. At this early time in the series I decided that she did not need a reflection as she is an apparition.

All the apparitions come from a little 5”x7” book that was given to me: “Felicidad de Mexico” by Fausto Zeron Medina which commemorates the 100-yr anniversary of Guadalupe’s coronation. It contains various images of Mother/Virgen Mary paintings brought from Spain in the 15^th century showing Guadalupe’s cultural historical art lineage both from Spain and from her Indigenous roots.

 

 

Radiant Rose 22”x30” (4^th in the series)

I had this photo of roses in my favorites box which I had never painted because the three roses seemed too evenly spaced to make a dynamic painting. Adding Her figure gives a focal point from where the eye can then travel around the trinity of roses and back to her. It adds Her to The Trinity. I chose this figure for the way her robe curls like the innermost center of the rose.  Here her aureola rays out revealing the inner aliveness of the roses. For me, the historic clothing represents Her Sacred timelessness. She has always been alive for those who love Her.

It is the same aliveness, that in all things and what her figure represents.

For each painting, I begin with my photo of place and then find the Virgin/Mother which somehow fits with the shapes, things and feeling of that environment. Or, I begin with the Virgin/Mother and find or remember a photo that I have that is perfect for Her.

 

The Great Mother 30”x44” (5^th in the series)

A certain 1^st of May news began to spread that there was cartel violence happening in Vallarta. A couple of gas station fires were started but the real fire was the spread of fear as friends began calling one another. I had this photo of Puerto Vallarta taken from a panga (boat) while whale watching.  I had the vision to make Mary huge. She, like the Sierra Madres behind Her, oversees all the smaller goings on that come and go throughout the eons. This painting was an extreme labor of love to draw the intricate details of the buildings. It took all my patience and focus.

At the time I painted it, I did not know that my life in Vallarta was coming to an end.  Equally for the paintings 1-4, only hindsight do I see how She came as a bridge for me to walk on.

 

These Apparitions have been a 7 year-long process. The previous paintings were done in Puerto Vallarta from 2014-16. The following paintings were done in Sedona 2017-2019 and in Albuquerque 2020-21.

 

Lotus Blossom Guadalupe 44”x15” (6^th in the series)

A woman who bought my lotus blossom print explained why she chose it over a print of The Mother whom she said she loves dearly. She said that she hoped that her body could transform the cancer she had just as the lotus plant draws from muddy debris to create a flower.

Shortly thereafter a collective art show with the theme “A Tall Story” was announced. The required format was narrow and tall. It occurred to me to combine the lotus blossom with Guadalupe in this long, narrow shape. I did not paint the traditional spikey areola. Instead, it connects to and surrounds the budding blossom she has in her gaze.

 

 

 

 

 

Sorrow Becomes Compassion 22”x30” (7^th in the series)

For this painting, I combined a favorite photo of the roses and daisies with one I had of the “fluvial” the alluvial fan from the Sierra Madres in Puerto Vallarta. The Mother/Virgin is Nuestra Senora de la Soledad from Oaxaca, Our Lady of Sorrows.

Surrounding her, the dark, crimson red roses intertwine with the light, softly yellow daisies which are fed by the natural channel created by water flowing from the mountains.  And those mountains recede into the infinite blue sky. Her crown is placed at the peak of the purple mountain. I intentionally brought together these images to show sorrow being healed, naturally, in nature.

The painting and title are me making sense of my losses.  It visually describes that through my sorrow I have been opened to feel the sorrow of others.

 

La Familia Sagrada 22”x15” (8^th in the series)

I had made this drawing before leaving Vallarta and then tucked it away when time ran out and I left. The photo is of the Joya family’s mother (in the middle) and her sister and brother. As soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to paint it. It helps me in my having left there, as if I can leave this image of The Mother holding their mother so tenderly. In the original reference photo, the Mother/Virgin’s hand is on a saint’s head, not holding a photo. I painted it 2 years after leaving Mexico.

 

 

 

 

 

Nature Adores Herself 22”x30” (9^th in the series)

This sweetly, innocent painting followed (after La Familia Sagrada).

Look at the flowers in her hair! And the curved candle. My treasured poppy photo seemed to mirror her dress perfectly. This painting causes me to feel playfully, joyful.

It is exhilarating to create my own world and cosmology with these paintings. Even as they are “just paintings”, they are MY paintings where I can create and express to my heart’s content. Recently I have thought that a subtitle for this painting is “The Delightful Fruit of Your Womb”.

 

 

The Tree of Living Sustenance (10^th in the series)

This is the only Apparition which is not from the little book “Felicidad de Mexico”.  This is Mary as she appeared to St. Bernard of Clairvaux, grace pouring from her breast to him.

I had already painted the tree as The Blessing Tree.  It is a Primavera (Spring) tree. When I saw it, with the early morning light filtered through the blossoms, it was a “stop the car!” moment.

The way the finger-like, twigs reach at the end of the tree inspired my search for a Mother/Virgin to respond to that reaching.

 

 

I AM Home (11^th in the series)

I began I AM Home after leaving the Creative Gateways (Sedona) studio space. I stored my studio keeping just the bare minimum to paint with. I set-up my painting table in the tiny bedroom of my father’s  darling Sedona home.  Outside my bedroom I was involved with overseeing the care of my Father.  Just the smallest part of me could still paint.

I had uprooted myself too deeply to feel safe while I was painting this painting.  The painting was me trying to create a safe place for me. It was completed here in Albuquerque after my father passed and I had moved here. It feels to have layers of “what is home?” for me within it.

This painting recently landed in my bedroom in Albuquerque where it feels to be currently very at home.

 

 

 

The Protecting Veil (12^th in the series)

While still in Sedona my cousin sent some photos of daffodils in a woodsy park behind her home in Oregon. Their blooming came just as the world seemed to be dying in Feb 2020.   Here was nature carrying on as if nothing were amiss while everywhere was the Corona Virus inescapably life-threatening.

Her crown (corona) is very elaborate and also almost merges into the bare trees behind her.. She, nature, life, is the true crown, always life-ing itself. This painting is related to The Great Mother in Vallarta; they use the same Mary image. They both are me invoking Life bigger than fear.

I began the drawing on a little collapsible table in my father’s then furniture-free house. We had put the house on the market the weekend that the first shutdown came. I kept drawing between house showings and repairs.

 

 

 

 Mantle of Mercy (13^th in the series)

I composed The Protecting Veil and Mantle of Mercy at the same time. They are my “Corona” paintings. Both have the sky-blue outer robes, and the golden yellow daffodils. They feel to express the natural way that nature expresses life.  We too are of nature. Remembering our natural connection, that we are nature too connects me to the peace beyond understanding, naturally.

 

 

 

 

 

The Beguiling Dark 30”x44” (will be 16^th in the series) (14 and 15 are smaller versions, close-ups of 16)

This very large painting tells the pre-story. It will appear like the Star Wars movies, the beginning at the last. The drawing was done in Mexico before the Apparitions. I had done smaller versions of this stone bridge leading in darkness and it is one of those images that mesmerizes and haunts me. Somewhere in this journey, I think it was in Sedona, I pulled the drawing out with the intention of putting Nuestra Senora de Soledad in the glittering darkness of the backlit, tropical greenery. Then in the past few months I pulled it out again and drew two versions of her as if viewed close-up. I thought they could help me see how to make her appear and not appear against the dark and light foliage.

 

I have painted the smaller one and it has become its own painting:

Mandorla 11×15 (14th in the series)

Figuratively, the mandorla shape is the almond shape made when two circles overlap each other. 2 historical examples are: the fish that early Christians used to mark where they were.  Also, the Chalice Well covering over the Red Spring in Glastonbury, England.

Esoterically the mandorla space is where heaven and earth meet, form and un-formed.

The bottom of her dress and the curve of the arch above her coincide in a shape like the mandorla. I have part of her gown disappeared into the foliage.

 

Portal 22×15 (15th in the series)

This one is drawn. Both of these close-ups describe the meaning of the title “The Beguiling Dark”.

I see the sparkling light in the dark and am drawn into the darkness, onto the bridge. Here the bridge curves out of sight, lost beyond the “come-thitherness” that drew me in. That is how I feel about having left Mexico. I am still on that bridge, in that unknown space and I must paint “The Beguiling Dark” soon. It has been clamoring to be painted after “Portal”.

 

The Apparition paintings have been a bridge from my life in Mexico to life in New Mexico. Painting them has given me something continuous through so much loss of what and where I thought my life was.